Take the High Road

Family, whether by birth or by choice, is a wonderful thing. Also, it seems to me, that there is no perfect group of people. I once heard it said that the only “function” in family is “dysfunction.” I have also heard it said that if you look within your family and do not see any black sheep, beware, the black sheep is probably you! (Most of you will agree, some will oppose, some will feel offended, and some will laugh at that statement.)

My parents were divorced when I was six years old. My only full-blooded sibling is my brother, who is four years younger than me. My dad remarried and had two daughters: my half-sisters. My mother remarried and we inherited my stepsister. Later, I gained my bride and her family, and she gained my family. Over the years we have some chosen family consisting of people from churches we have served, ministries of which we have become a part, people we have met on mission trips, and people with whom my bride has worked in education. We have always practiced openness and welcome to people God has brought our way.

Functional or dysfunctional, our family, extended family, and chosen family have been joys in our lives, although because we are broken people living in a fallen world, there have been times of frustration and even grief. Overall, though, with God’s grace and guidance, we have been able to enjoy most the relationships most of the time. We even got to see a good bit of our family over the days leading up to Independence Day. It was good.

There are some people who do not enjoy time with their families. I even know of many people who are estranged from their families, seemingly having no ability to resolve differences, opposing opinions, or even conflicts. I find this extremely sad. Sometimes something small has grown into a disagreement that seems insurmountable. Other times words have cut so deeply the wound seems fatal to the relationship. There are often prideful or stubborn reactions to a person’s mistakes or poor choices that limit contact between the offender and the offended. This is not how God intended.

God chose to take the high ground in our relationship with Him. He, being perfect, reached down and chose to reconcile people to Himself; people who had treated Him like an enemy, were disobedient to him, and violated His perfect law.

Romans 5:6-11 reads, “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person-though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die- but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”

Did you read that clearly? God calls us ungodly, unrighteous, sinners, and enemies by our own behavior, yet He chose to die for us. He “justified” us, making us allowed to legally enter heaven, where we have no right to enter. He did this through His mercy and grace in Jesus. This means of reconciliation brought those who truly believe and serve Him freedom from the death penalty and freedom to enter eternal life. We received reconciliation at God’s initiation. The greater, (God), reached out to the lesser, (man), and reconciled him.

Somehow, though, family members hold grudges, judgements, and penalties over one another for things done or words said. God, however, chose to reach out and repair the relationship with those who offended Him. Why do we find this so hard to do?

In my time as a pastor, I spend a lot of energy helping people recover and reconcile. I find that people, particularly members of families, spend a lot of time being mad and staying mad; being hurt and staying hurt, and being offended and staying offended. I try to point out the example of God in dealing with offenses and offenders. He chose to take the high road. He chose to reconcile at His own expense. Those who receive this grace are completely forgiven. Their offenses are wiped away.

What if family members chose this high road with one another? I find the barrier comes down to one word: pride. This is addressed by examining Jesus’ attitude as found in Philippians 2:5-8, which reads, “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

My bride and I enjoyed the Fourth of July festivities with various family members. As we visited with them and saw other families picnicking, eating out, and watching fireworks, I also saw some lonely, grumpy, and sad people. I saw arguments and frustrations. I saw pain and isolation. Perhaps you find yourself in a family relationship that is strained or broken. Maybe you are hurting. Maybe this article has made you reconsider the source of this pain. I sure hope so. Maybe you could reach out. Maybe you could reconcile. Maybe you could lay down pride, if necessary. I wish you and your family God’s best. Choose the high road. Imitate God.

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